Jakov the Llama set sail on his animated couch early 2013 with a mission: To sail on a couch in the ocean. Has he succeeded? Let the evidence convince you.
Jakov grew up in a suburb of Detroit with his girlfriend, until she was brutally murdered in a circus accident. Depressed and without purpose, he became the CFO of a major business corporation, seeking to end corruption for good. He spent years training his body and mind, leaving him nothing...
but a weapon.
But through the inappropriate use of propaganda and blackmail, his enemies banished him from the business world...
Without a place to go, he defaulted to his roots. He became a part-time manager for the couch making company his father had built from the bottom up with nothing but $1,000 and access to a capitalist society. What Jakovs father didn't know is that his business partner, Wandovich, had a dirty secret.
(He is a government ninja!)
No he isn't.
One tragic day, Jakov heard a sick and evil scream emanate from the basement of the Couch Plant. He grabbed a flashlight and headed for the bottom. He noticed that white bread was smeared across the rather nice stucco walls of the stairs leading down. Jakov became sick to his stomach.
"How could someone do something so horrible?" Jakov whispered to himself. He reached the bottom and found a huge wooden door with metal studs.
(Jakov is also a gluten rights advocate.) Shh! Seriously. This is my story. (The day he found out he was gluten intolerant was a sad day. His Gluten Rights Club would shun him if they knew.) Strike one. (I'm not two, that isn't going to work.) Strike Two! (Okaaaay!)
Jakov opened the door slowly. (creeeeeaaak...)
Sick and abused, a brown rabid refrigerator sat in the corner seeming to cry. Jakov rushed over to the fridge and put his hoof on its handle. "I'm here now. You are going to be okay."
The fridge began to glow. A familiar face appeared on the fridge. It seemed to him as if the spirit of his lost girlfriend had returned. "Jakov... Sail. Take your fathers couch, and sail. Show the world that logic and reason can be overcome. Jakov, do this for me."
*gunk.* The fridge stalled...
"No! Come back to me!" Jakov ran back upstairs and into his fathers office. It was empty.
"Son, never, ever open this couch's seal. It is evil. It corrupts." His father's voice came into Jakov's head. "I captured it in an expedition to Tahiti many years ago, in an effort to end the evil there. I did, and now contain the couch. NEVER OPEN IT!"
Jakov was so sad. He grabbed a mango from the fruit bowl on his fathers table and ripped open the seal.
"Hello, Jakov. I have been waiting for you." The couch whispered. Black tendrils of evil crept from the couch toward the llamas soul. Jakov held forth his mango.
"No!" Hissed the couch.
(It has a mango allergy.) No, it doesn't. Mangoes are it's weakness. That's like saying Superman is allergic to Kryptonite. (He is.)
The tendrils of evil were sucked into the mango. Absolute madness infiltrated Jakov's young and impressionable mango, forcing it to become criminally insane and begin massacring villages in it's mind's eye.
"Fruit became his passion. Ha ha, get it? Passion fruit." Whispered the mango to itself. That's all it ever says anymore.
He hopped on the couch, and commanded it to rise.
When they were above the ocean, Jakov plunged the mango deep into the cushions. And it...
Jakov the llama and the couch fell into free-fall. They fell and fell. They hit the water.