When I was young, my religion was always what I did. Never questioning it, never trying to disprove it never looked for reasons for it to be wrong. My family and friends told me it was right, and I felt it was right. I still feel it is right, simply in a different degree. It is the most correct ideology I know of, but it’s also basically the only one I know of. Which bothers me. It makes me feel ignorant. In my adolescent years, I began to break some of the rules regarding the church. I have never been a Jedi, ever since I was a kid I felt I was always more of a Sith. The dark side fascinates intrigues and calls to me. This has caused me many issues over the years but also brought me greater knowledge and understanding and appreciation for many things. I have also discovered that light and dark are not always equivalent to good and bad. That yin and yang don’t always match one another. This is not to say that right and wrong are not constant, but I personally dabble in both areas, and do so knowingly. I feel this is simply who I am and the way I am with 0 need to change that at the moment. Now perhaps that is self-justification for my darker side. As said in the bible a man cannot serve to masters. If darkness is my mistress, then can light not be my friend?
Regarding my religion there are some key points that confuse me. The rules we are told to follow blindly. There are not many, and most are of little importance (I mean there is no need to get worked up over them by that.) however I cannot stand doing things without a why, a solid reason other than because I said so. Also, how come in the Old Testament it was cool for god to kill the Israelites on a fairly regular basis? In the Old Testament god is Jesus, and if we should all strive to be like Jesus...well you see what I mean. Especially considering the Ten Commandments had already been given out. From the dawn of time, god condemned one of his children to be the devil in my current opinion. That is wrong. In Leviticus, Jesus threatens punishment by cannibalism of parents own children. Is that not something the devil would ask for? One thing that also worries me is that why the reasons behind these questionable acts have never been taught to me? If we are supposed to feast upon the scriptures yet the scriptures are saying dark and borderline evil things, why does know one teach us the reasons for those things? They seem important. These are some points of confusion in my mind. Moving on however, I must say that this church is an amazing one, and the good definitely outweighs the possible bad. It gives purpose in life; it helps us make friends and generally brings happiness. It teaches us to help and to serve, it teaches us to talk to strangers and to be brave regarding our beliefs. It teaches standing up for the weak. Basically everything that Christ is, it asks us to be. This is an amazing goal. It gives us knowledge regarding life after death, and that particular subject fascinates me. My real issue right now is that I need deeper knowledge.
dont understand don't understand
youre in my head you're in my head
should feel nothing fo-or you
If you're going to be rude enough to take up residency in my mind at least have the decency to show up in reality
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