Their wonderful, deep eyes lure you in, make your one desire to be their slave, until you feel a fiery burning pain in your stomach, and you realize the dreadful mistake you have made. One drawback of a platypus is that their feet are, in fact, poisonous. Instead of a backtoe, they have a poisonous stinger. It injects a poison that can incapacitate a man in minutes. Many unwary explorers have found their end due to these deadly creatures, including Mivleton J. Smalls, the man who found New Zealand for the fifth time.
A platypus is a mammal, but it is very different from some mammals. It lays eggs! The eggs look reptilian on the outside, but are like birds eggs on the inside. The egg develops more on the inside of the platypus than on the outside. The eggs taste delicious when fried in an all natural butter, with salt and a pinch of Chinese Mayflower powder thrown on top. Add mushrooms, cheese, and tomatoes as desired.
The platypus is an animal that has been hunted by noveltymen for a very specific amount of time, for many reasons. The first being the fact that a platypus’s sweat is molecularly identical to the milk that is produced by cows. “Platypus Sweat” is a delicacy in Australia, New Zealand, and Mexico. The second is so they can be featured in many major motion pictures, such as, The Platypus is a Fake!!!, Why Does The platypus Exist? A Documentary, The Platypus Haunts the Earth, Doofenshmirts, The Platypus Is a Lie, Stephen!!, etc.
The biggest drawback of a platypus is the fact that it is, in fact, nonexistent. They were created by intoxicated aborigines going beaver hunting in a thick fog to be a legend to scare small children. Those aborigines are most likely up in Heaven, laughing at our gullibility for such things. Where is the evidence for this grand accusation, you ask? Well, let me ask you a question. Have you ever seen a platypus?
Despite platypus’ many drawbacks, it is still a great animal. Watching a group of platypus’ play poker is one of the most awe-inspiring things you will ever see. That is because a platypus has no muscles in his face, and we all agree that watching masters is very satisfying, or why would anyone watch the Superbowl? Platypus’ often sit around and do absolutely nothing, so they have lots of time to imagine things. Their creativity levels are the highest of any creature out there, according to a study done in 2005 on animal creativity. Platypus’ collectively favorite dream is of going to France, and becoming a famous artist by the name Psudonny G.
I hope I have achieved my purpose in educating you about the wonder, the lie, and the metaphysical aspects of the platypus. Please take the time to educate your loved ones, so we can stop the ceaseless laughter of the Intoxicated Aborigines in the Sky. Thank you.